Crossed Out Name
by CantStopWontStop
Summary: A few months after his divorce, Elliot begins to feel the effects. He goes home one evening and feels lonely. After a quick call to Olivia, he finds that sometimes, comfort comes easy. Oneshot/Songfic. EO.


**Author's Note:** It's been quite some time since I've written anything. If any of you have been following my old stories, I'm sorry to say this but… give up. I have. I'm done with those. They're products of my past and contain my thoughts as a young teenager. I'm a little bit different now. And now, my obsession is Law & Order SVU. So this is my first shot at a Law & Order story. Let me know how it flies.

This one-shot is a companion to the song "Crossed Out Name" by Ryan Adams.

The situation is current. Well, sort of. Let's just say Kathy's out of the picture permanently. If anything, this takes place post-"Wildlife."

**Disclaimer:** I own none of it. But I'd do just about anything to own Christopher Meloni.

* * *

_Orange sky, don't go._

_Manhattan looks like someplace else,_

_Cloudy with a low fog shell._

Elliot Stabler sat at his desk in late afternoon. The recent case had been solved, the perp thrown in Riker's. Elliot leafed through a small stack of papers, filing them in a thin manila folder, as a slender hand appeared from over his shoulder, setting a paper coffee cup on his desk. "Thanks," he mumbled without looking up.

Olivia Benson sat down at her desk across from his and took a sip from her own blue cup. "You just cracked a perp into confessing to the rape of four women," she said. "Why the long face?"

Elliot reached for his coffee and looked up at her, his eyes meeting her gaze. "Just tired is all," he replied. "I had the kids this weekend. Eli's walking now, so I spend every second chasing after him."

"You can chase down armed criminals, but you can't keep up with your own kid?" Olivia's lips parted in a smile.

"You give it a try sometime," Elliot said, shaking his head.

"Nah, that's okay," Olivia replied. "I couldn't even keep a goldfish alive."

Elliot grinned a little. "Olivia Benson, savior to rape victims, murderer to fish."

_____________________________________________________

Elliot stepped out onto the evening sidewalk of Manhattan. The sun was setting, not that it could be seen through the valley of skyscrapers and cement. The streets were busy with the typical evening commute and the October air was chilly.

_Into the crowded streets I go._

_Eventually, they lead me back home._

Elliot hailed a cab and climbed in, directing the driver to his home in Queens. The ride was the same as always, quiet yet noisy with a fair amount of time to dwell on thoughts. Things had changed, but life had fallen into a pattern now. Elliot woke up, went to work, and came home. He shared an occasional evening drink with Olivia, but tonight, she had gone home, claiming that _Sex and the City _was calling her name. Elliot smiled to himself as he thought of Olivia's ridiculous taste in television. It didn't seem right that she'd be interested in the sexcapades of four women. She was always so tough and pulled together. Kathy, his ex-wife, on the other hand, was different. She was slightly neurotic and worrisome. But Elliot understood. He was hardly ever home and he was constantly putting his life on the line. They'd split up and reconciled, but things weren't quite the same, even after the birth of Eli. So, they split again. The divorce had been finalized two months ago.

_Where we used to live,_

_I live alone, and into bed I go._

The past few months had been tough, but Elliot was healing. He thanked God for television and Jack Daniels. And Olivia Benson. Though Elliot never poured his heart out, he had found himself able to confide his thoughts in Olivia. Their partnership was SVU's finest and their chemistry was inimitable. Elliot read Olivia like a book and she kept him in check. They provided the perfect balance for each other.

Elliot climbed into bed and sighed. Though he had reached the stage of acceptance of his divorce, he still didn't like the emptiness of the house. The nights were lonely and he had no one to share his simple thoughts with. Picking up the phone to call Olivia every time he wanted a quick conversation wouldn't be fair. She had a life of her own.

_I wish I could tell you just how I felt._

_I don't pray, I shower, and say goodnight to myself._

Elliot stared at the ceiling. Physically, he was exhausted, but he wasn't sleepy. His thoughts were racing and his mind was conscious of everything. He closed his eyes and commanded his mind to stop.

_And when I close my eyes,_

_I feel like a page with a crossed-out name._

After about an hour, Elliot drifted off to sleep, though it was anything but peaceful. He rarely had nightmares, or any dreams at all, despite the precariousness of his job and instability of his personal life. Tonight, though, was different.

He saw Olivia's reflection in the mirror. She waltzed out of the bathroom, scantily clad in her bra and panties. Elliot averted his eyes from her until she slipped her arms around him. As she spoke to the two other men in the room, her voice was sultry. She leaned in closer toward him, pressing herself against him slightly. His arms subconsciously found their way around her waist. Her skin was soft and smooth and her breath was hot against his neck.

His dream was true to life so far. Though the situation had occurred several months ago, memories of it remained with him. Suddenly, the dream took a bizarre turn.

Olivia was on top of him, her legs straddling his torso. She leaned in forward, pressing her lips against his.

_I kiss her mouth and I know for everything,_

_There is a word._

_For everything, but this._

The dream changed again. Olivia lounged lazily on his bed, a cup of coffee in one hand, the TV remote in the other. She looked comfortable and content, as if the scene were an easy part of everyday life. The view switched to the television. Sex and the City. As if he were standing there, Olivia flashed her signature grin at him.

_I like the dresses, the shoes, and the clothes,_

_And everything that goes with loving a girl, I suppose._

Elliot jerked awake. His forehead was damp with sweat and he kicked the covers off. The clock read 11:34 PM. Olivia, Olivia, Olivia. His mind could think of nothing else. His attraction to her had never been this prominent before. Sure, he'd always thought she was pretty. And smart. And compassionate. And he absolutely loved her quick-witted remarks. But he'd always forced himself to think of Olivia as his partner and friend.

Maybe he was just lonely. Maybe he was finally on the rebound. Maybe he was just looking for someone to fill the empty space. Maybe Olivia was just the closest woman he had. Or maybe, he was having a moment of truth.

_I wish I could tell you just how I'm hurt;_

_Pinpoint the location, it's in another universe._

Revealing all of this to Olivia was out of the question. The boundaries that separated them were ominous. They'd already split their partnership before, after choosing each other over their job. If they pushed those boundaries, the consequences would be heinous. Cragen would no doubt separate them. Rumors would be started. They wouldn't be taken seriously anymore.

But the fire was there. He couldn't suppress it. Olivia was worth the risk. And maybe, no sacrifices would be necessary. They were both responsible and level-headed. They could handle a relationship.

_When I close my eyes, I see a fire so plain,_

_And my crossed out name._

Then Elliot remembered. It takes two. And he doubted Olivia's feelings were mutual. She seemed to have cut the aspect of dating out of her life entirely. Elliot remembered a discussion they'd once had in which Olivia wondered if she'd ever settle down. She'd said that she might as well change her legal name to "Detective Benson." Elliot had laughed and told her that she just hadn't met the right person. He had reminded her that their job was demanding. Very few people understood it, and even fewer could deal with it. And that's why Elliot wondered if maybe, he and Olivia weren't such a bad match after all. At least she'd understand.

But no. No way in hell would Olivia Benson let herself get involved with Elliot Stabler.

_I see a crossed out name._

Elliot sat up. He reached for his phone that sat on the table next to his bed and flipped it open.

One missed call.

Elliot checked the list of recent calls and saw 'Liv' at the top of the list. He hit the 'Send' button and waited, his phone pressed anxiously against his ear.

"Hello?"

"Liv, it's El. Sorry I missed your call."

"No problem," Olivia replied. "I just wanted to make sure you're all right."

Of course. Expect Olivia to check on him. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine," he answered.

"Are you sure?"

Elliot didn't reply immediately. Technically, yes, he was fine. But maybe this was her way of implying that she wasn't. Elliot shook his head at the incredulous thought. "Yeah, I'm sure," he said, forcing an air of guarantee in his voice.

"Well, if you want to talk or anything, just… just let me know, okay?" Olivia's voice held concern and hesitance.

"Liv," Elliot suddenly breathed. "Can I come over?" A small, silent paused answered his question until he replaced it with his own answer. "Nevermind, I mean, it's late, I can't-"

"Of course you can," Olivia cut in. "I'll be waiting for you, okay?" And before he could say anything, she hung up.

Elliot knocked twice and waited as he heard Olivia's footsteps cross her apartment. He heard her shift the chain lock before swinging the door open. "Hi," she said, the corner of her lips curving upward in a smile. She stepped aside, inviting him in. Elliot obliged, taking his coat off and laying it on the counter. He glanced at the TV and raised an eyebrow.

"Since when are you a Mets fan?" he inquired.

"Since I was ten," Olivia replied. Elliot stared at her.

"You? Like baseball?"

Olivia narrowed her eyes at him, her lips curving more. "Yes. Is that a crime? Are you going to arrest me, Detective Stabler?"

"No, I'm just surprised," he said. "And a little disappointed in you, Liv. As a devout Yankees fan, I expected better of you."

Olivia rolled her eyes and chucked the remote at him. "Just wait until the World Series," she teased. She motioned toward the couch and Elliot sat down. Olivia sat next to him, tucking her feet underneath herself. "So," she said. "What's going on?"

"I don't know," Elliot started. "I just couldn't sleep." He kept his eyes glued to her face, though they begged to roam elsewhere. Her low-cut tank top was only feeding the fire. "I think I'm just lonely," he finally admitted.

"You miss Kathy," Olivia noted.

Elliot shook his head. "That's just it, Liv," he said. "It's not her that I miss. She's gone and I'm okay with that. I just don't like going home to that empty house. I don't like lying there in that bed alone. I don't like keeping all of my thoughts to myself."

"Well, I can help you with two of the three," Olivia said. "You're always welcome here and you're always welcome to talk to me. But if you think I'm getting into bed with you-"

"Okay, I get it," Elliot laughed. "Maybe next time."

Olivia's eyes grew wide. She grabbed a magazine from the coffee table and smacked him on the leg with it. "You sleaze," she laughed. Elliot grinned and a small silence fell between them, filled only by the sound of David Wright sending a shot over the centerfield wall. As Elliot's attention turned toward the game, Olivia studied him.

"So are you going to be okay?" she finally asked. Elliot turned to her and nodded.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," he replied. "I just needed some company."

Olivia nodded. "You know I'm always here for you, El."

Elliot nodded before leaning over to embrace her. She returned the hug, resting her head on his shoulder. They sat there, joined together, neither concerned about the what-if's or the possibilities. "Liv?"

"Yeah, El?"

"Thanks."

"Anytime, El. You know I'd never write you off."

**Author's Note:** Well, there you have it. I know it wasn't anything special or out-of-ordinary, but I mainly just wanted to get a feel for writing about the two. If I get a good response, you can definitely expect more from me. Bear in mind this was a one-shot, so it won't be updated. Review?


End file.
